Saturday

Decreasing Light

In late October, the blanket
of darkness takes hold.
Our outer and inner landscape
is transformed through the swift
shortening of days.

Morning light is held at bay.
Inky black presses against the
boxy windows of rooms, swollen
with electric yellow lamplight. 
A black cocoon has been spun.

Arise early. Greet this darkness.
Use it as a warm blanket.
Let the darkness soothe the senses.
Let this blanket cover you,
embrace you, love you deeply,

as only an angel or lover could.
Let it heal you, take away
the sharp edges of daylight,
the blood-stained words,
the battles, large and small,

of daily life, of human frailty,
self doubt, fear, and anger.
Use this time with considered urgency.
It is precious and fleeting.
It is an opportunity, a wing,

a heartbeat, a morning prayer.
It is the new blossom
on the Thanksgiving cactus,
ready to burst into flower
in the coming light.

Listen deeply to this darkness.
It will inform you in the 
most important of ways,
and then without notice,
it will vanish.

                                                                 J.C.W.

Thursday

Learning From Fungi: Of Medicine and Mushrooms

SundayReview | Opinion                                   


ONE day after class, in a small, neglected patch of woods behind my medical school, I came upon a cluster of wild mushrooms. I had pushed through a tangle of poison ivy and other weeds ringing the school’s parking lot, drawn by a curiosity of what lay beyond. At first I thought the mushrooms were just another piece of plastic refuse driven by the wind into that spot, under a mixture of young maples and hemlocks.
Walking closer, I realized that what I was looking at was alive — a creamy, light-orange collection of fungi, each one poised slightly over the moist, shaded soil. I wondered if they were medicinal, hallucinogenic or one of the poisonous species I’d heard mentioned in toxicology class, a few bites of which can cause fulminant liver failure. Or perhaps they were edible.
I bought a field guide to wild mushrooms the following day and began studying it alongside my medical textbooks. Seeking out local experts and foraging websites, I began filling my head with information. I cultivated a forager’s eye, my sight and attention drawn to every wood chip pile and overwatered suburban lawn in search of edible fungi.
Most days, after exploring the human body in anatomy lab, I traded my scalpel for a basket and delved farther into the woods behind the parking lot or roved across other promising patches of land. I coveted the dazzling intuition and encyclopedic knowledge of seasoned foragers, marveling at their nonchalant certainty as they made life-or-death decisions about which mushrooms were edible. I wondered if I could ever make such decisions with comfort, if confidence would ever eclipse my anxiety.
A month or so after that day near the parking lot, I made my first positive mushroom identification. On a trip to New Hampshire, I found a cluster of orange mushrooms that, I was almost certain, were the same ones I had seen behind my medical school. Upon spotting them, a list of possibilities jumped into my mind — they could be the delectable chanterelle, the poisonous jack-o’-lantern, the false chanterelle or a species of Lactarius.
I noted that the mushrooms grew singly on the ground, rather than clumped on the side of a tree. I cut one off at ground level with a knife and picked it up to examine it more closely. Shaped like a tiny, delicate orange vase with the unblemished freshness of infancy, it had an underside lined with corrugated ridges flowing outward onto its flanges. I delicately lacerated the mushroom’s pale flesh with my knife and noted no milky, white latex bleeding from it. It smelled of humus and apricots.
I was confident these mushrooms were chanterelles, and, later, a delicious dinner with no ill effects confirmed my hunch. Such experiences slowly added up, and the number of edible species that I could confidently distinguish from their poisonous look-alikes grew.
My training as a physician, meanwhile, was progressing along similar lines, my head filling with disease descriptions and textbook medical facts. As medical school passed into residency, living patients replaced multiple-choice questions. Alleviating a patient’s suffering begins with the diagnosis, with giving affliction a name. More than just an inert label, though, the name brings with it an explanation and, hopefully, a solution. The diagnosis itself can bring comfort to nervous parents or patients with prolonged, unexplained symptoms, even when, as is often the case, the diagnosis simply states the obvious in Latin or Greek. I quickly learned that physicians make treatment decisions with widely varying amounts of diagnostic certainty, often quite little, as when urgent treatment cannot await further investigation.
In the winter of my first year of residency, while working in a pediatric emergency room in Cambridge, Mass., I made my first confident diagnosis. A distraught young mother brought in her 18-month-old son, who was suffering from cough and fever. A list of possible diagnoses jumped into my mind — bacterial pneumonia, an asthma attack or a simple viral cold. This list has a traditional name in medicine, the “differential diagnosis,” in which plausible etiologies of disease are listed in order of decreasing likelihood.
I learned from the mother that the illness began a few days earlier with a congested, runny nose, suggesting that it was nothing more than a cold. But when I approached the infant to examine him more closely, I noted his nostrils flaring and the muscles between his ribs contracting into subtle channels across his chest with each inhalation. He was working hard to breathe.
I placed a stethoscope on his back and heard the whooshing of air into alveoli on the left, but over his right flank I heard silence. No air was reaching that part of the lung, and I knew this was more than a cold. An X-ray confirmed my hunch, showing the normally black lungs besmirched by the white flag of pneumonia in the right lower lobe. That diagnosis brought with it the need for antibiotics, and his condition improved over the following days in the hospital ward.
Each medical case, like each mushroom, is a diagnostic puzzle. As I gained confidence in identifying both mushrooms and diseases, I realized that whether confronting a puzzle in a green field or a sterile hospital, my mind worked to solve it in the same way, homing in on subtle hints to tell look-alikes apart. The word “diagnosis” actually means “to know apart from,” or “to distinguish,” and this is both the physician’s and the forager’s task.
LEARNING to diagnose diseases or identify mushrooms also means learning ecology. Just as an experienced forager knows which mushrooms to expect based on region, climate, season and recent rainfall patterns, the sort of tree overhead and forest duff underfoot, a physician understands that diseases have an ecological context of season and geography.
Doctors expect Lyme disease in the summer and influenza in the winter, and, as with foraging, knowing what to look for helps us to see it. A fruity whiff in the forest tells of nearby black trumpet mushrooms, which are often smelled before they are seen, just as the slight movements of a child’s nostrils tell of more serious problems hidden inside the lungs.
Foraging wild mushrooms is just a hobby for me, but for most of human history eating wild foods was a necessity. In learning to forage I glimpsed a world in which every meal had the potential to be sickening and correctly identifying wild food meant the survival of humanity. The human mind came into being in this context, suited to classify, split hairs and distinguish the desirable from the deadly.
The same abilities go into diagnosing disease, and I have come to revere the skills of senior physicians who, like elders in a foraging society, are the repositories of something textbooks cannot teach.
Though modern medicine seems the epitome of all that severs our society from the past, it still draws on the same ancient processes of cognition that have always served to keep people alive — and that make us uniquely human.

A Morning Prayer

On this morning walk
I have lost the sounds
of the birdsong,
of the wind rustling
the last leaves of autumn
through the trees,
of ducks making their
way across the pond.
I have lost all this
to the senseless fleeting
troubles that clutter
the mind. To worries about
things that never materialize,
to the battles that wage war
across the synapses of the brain,
to old wounds that
bleed all over this path.
I have lost the dappled clouds,
the breaking blue, the portal
through which the light pours
forth into the new day.
What silly creatures we are,
to squander this morning,
this beauty, this life.
Let this new day begin.


                                                                J.C.W.

October 15, 2014

Mindfulness

Good Morning.

For those of us who work the traditional Monday through Friday workweek, Monday morning can be a trial. We face the abrupt ramping up of our schedule, after the restful pace of the weekend. As we race through the coming days, it is a challenge to hang on to the gains of the weekend. Recently, I have been reading books written by Thich Nhat Hanh. For those of you who are unfamiliar with his work, he is a Vietnamese Buddhist monk who was nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize. He writes about the practice of mindfulness.

Each time I read one of his books, I am reminded of the value of this practice. Buddhist or not, we can all benefit from directing our attention away from the ghosts of our past and the constant planning for the future. Placing our focus on the present moment allows us to truly experience life.
We miss so much while spending ‘head time’ somewhere else. How often do we find ourselves lost in thought over some petty anger that we are clinging to, or wishing that we had done something differently? How often are we thinking about the ‘to do’ list, instead of noticing the color of the sky? When we eat a meal, do we really notice how the food tastes and feels in our mouth? Are we multi-tasking while talking with a friend?

The practice of mindfulness sounds relatively simple, but I find it to be extremely challenging. I can’t help but wonder how much of my life I have squandered, while focusing on anything but the present. I fear that it could be years, decades, or, worse yet, the bulk of my life. Unfortunately, the latter may hold the truth.

Every day is a new opportunity for change. As I move through this day, I will try to hold on to the practice of mindfulness, yet again.

October 6, 2014

Weaving Lesson 2

Good Morning.

On the second day of the weaving intensive, I learned to remove the yarn from the warping wheel and transfer it to the loom. I am told that this is the part that weavers like the least. After a few hours of teaching and supervision, my teacher left me with the task of completing the yarn transfer independently. It was time to fly solo.



Alone, with the loom, I found a sense of peace settle in. Albinoni played in the background while I worked. There was an occasional visitation from our faithful corgi, who has already found a spot under the loom where she likes to sleep. I think she will be a good ‘loom dog’. It took a bit of training when she first discovered the baskets filled with balls of yarn. It looked like great fun to her. Luckily, she learns quickly, but not without a look of disappointment in her eye.

The time went swiftly and before I knew it, the task was completed. I can hardly wait until the next lesson. In the meantime, I picked up a beginners book on weaving during our excursion to Harrisville Designs. It will keep me occupied. I keep opening the door to the room where the loom is kept, just to take a peek.

I am dreaming of winter days, looking out at the snow falling, while I sit at the loom.

October 4, 2014

Weaving Lesson 1


Good Morning.
 
October has arrived. It is the shining month of the New England autumn season.

A great deal has been happening here. Last weekend, I had my first lesson on the loom. It was a private lesson, offered by a dear friend, who has taught weaving much of her adult life. It proved to be a day full of surprises.

My teacher arrived bright and early on Saturday morning. I thought she would stay for about an hour and a half, but she had another plan. She ended up staying until 5:30. She began with an introduction to the loom. She reviewed the parts and their functions. The language of weaving was foreign and a bit muddling at times. It was hard to envision how the pieces fit together during the weaving process.

What she did next, worked wonders toward demystifying the process. She suggested that we take a field trip to the Harrisville Designs in Harrisville, NH. Harrisville is recognized as the only 18th century textile village in America that survives in its original form. Harrisville Designs continues to make natural wool in the historic mill building. Walking in the front door, I felt as though I was entering a whole new world. I knew immediately that this was to be a part of my future. It was a delight for the senses. The colors, textures, and smell of the yarn were overwhelming. Throughout the shop there were looms demonstrating weaving projects in progress. It really helped me to see how the parts work and fit together toward creating a finished piece.

My teacher had shown me how to calculate the amount of yarn needed for the project. My task was to choose three colors of yarn that will work well together. It was fun playing with the colors and imagining the finished project. She taught me to twist together the yarns to get a sense of how they will look after they have been woven together. It was interesting to see how the colors changed when they were in a tangle. The gorgeous periwinkle I had chosen turned to a dull gray and the adobe red turned into a muddy brown. The way in which the different colored yarns work together to create the design may prove to be my greatest challenge. It was also what I found to be most interesting. Colors that seemed to be an odd mix turned out to work together in unexpected ways.

After the choices were made, we drove back over the mountain with the spectacle of autumn color to view. Back at the loom, I learned to use the warping wheel. The yarn was slowly wound around the wheel in an extremely ordered manner. It is a very methodical process. She left me with some homework and the plan to return the following day to teach me how to place the yarn on the loom.

I could hardly wait.

 
        



October 3, 2014

Weaving Lessons

Good Morning,

It is Saturday morning, my favorite morning of the week. This morning, my time will be filled with preparations for my first weaving lesson. It is all very exciting.

The loom came to me in an unexpected way. A friend needed a home for her loom because her current living situation didn’t afford her the space to house such a large loom. She asked if I might be interested in becoming a foster parent for her loom until she moves to a larger place. What fantastic luck! Weaving is not something I had ever considered, but once it was proposed, I realized that it is a good fit for me. I love textiles.

 I am very grateful that my mother taught me to sew at an early age. In learning to make my own clothing, I was introduced to the joy of spending time in fabric stores. I love how fabric excites all of the senses. The colors, textures, and even the scent of new fabric would hold me hostage for hours. I enjoyed perusing the pattern catalogs and imagining a new dress done up in a variety of fabrics, then choosing the one that I thought would work best. Laying out the fabric and pinning the paper pattern pieces to it, was always a bit like putting together the pieces of a puzzle.

The dramatic moment of holding the scissors and making the first cut, never failed to take my breath away. I prayed that I hadn’t made an error in my calculations. It could mean a costly mistake. Somehow, I always managed to gather my courage before executing the first cut.

Watching, as the garment grew into something recognizable, was such a rewarding process. There were times when I was convinced that the directions were incorrect, but of course, they weren’t, and the garment would eventually reveal itself. I remember taking on an ambitious project that was way beyond my skill level. It was a dress I loved and wanted to wear to a junior high school dance. It had a tailored collar and cuffs, in a crisp, contrasting, white, oxford cloth. It required a great deal of attention to the directions and some assistance from my mother. The worst part was that there was a deadline. It had to be ready in time for the dance. In the end, I did finish it, but not without a bit of drama.

These creative projects challenge us in the best of ways. Today, I will face the challenge of learning to think about fabric in a new and different way. For me, the words warp and weft have always been just words. In a few hours, they will come to life in a practical way. I will gain a new understanding and appreciation for how fabric comes into being.

It is my hope that these weaving lessons will give birth to a new passion. Wish me luck. I feel sure that I will need it.

September 27, 2014

September

Good Morning,

As the garden begins to shift from late summer into autumn, we can see this change reflected in the garden. The Autumn Joy Sedum begins to flower, the long awaited Autumn Clematis explodes into masses of tiny white blossoms, and the mums begin to appear in shades of red, burnt orange, russet, burgundy, gold, and brown, as they herald the arrival of autumn. These colors mixed with the strong pinks of the phlox and the purples of the Monkshood, bring a new mood to the garden.

The ornamental trees, Malus, Salix, Hawthorne, and Cornus Kousa, have transformed the spring flowers that donned their branches, into brilliant berries that linger after the leaves have fallen and give outstanding color to the landscape. These new colors reflect the larger landscape as the leaves on the maples begin to turn deep red and orange, the oaks turn to russet and brown, and the poplar, from yellow to amber. The natural world is filled with wisdom and order. The garden is winding down and moving toward a period of rest. We can take our cue from the garden into our everyday life.

Here in New England, autumn is a time for slowing down, for reflection, and to begin preparations for the coming winter. Yet, in September there is a kind of new energy that rises in the crisp morning air.  The lazy days of August are over. We lift up out of our summer stupor and begin to feel renewed strength and vigor.

We involve ourselves with the harvesting of the vegetable and herb gardens. We begin the process of preserving foods through the activities of canning, freezing, and drying. We madly prepare the last of the pesto from the basil patch, before the first frost takes their leaves. After the quiet summer, the kitchen is suddenly a flurry of activity. We relish the last of the tomatoes, peppers, and melons, savoring the flavors we won’t experience again until next year. We meet all this with new appreciation. It is the appreciation of what will soon be lost.

September is a bittersweet month. It is the beginning of the process of letting go. Every gardener feels this tug. We await the gardening season with such eagerness; yet, it seems to pass so swiftly. There is much to be learned from this time of year. It offers us a time to practice loss. This is a kind of preparation for the larger losses in life.  What we know from the garden is that some things die back and return in the spring. Others don’t return, but we remember them fondly. We might learn about how to treat them better the next time.

We might also learn that there is a life cycle and when it nears its end, it is time to let go. The aging maple with heart rot can be a parallel to our aging family member or friend whose heart is simply wearing out. We learn that there is a time to fight for life, and a time to let go. Every gardener has grieved the loss of a favorite tree that has run its course, or has suffered irreparable damage from a windstorm or heavy wet snow.

In the garden, we learn about life. All of it. The good and the difficult to bear. We also learn that we somehow survive these losses and find new joys and challenges.  We have an opportunity to practice all of these things so that when the bigger losses find us, we are more prepared to meet them.
Gardeners become realists because life in the garden is, above all, real. Gardening is an exercise in strength and courage. Yet, we come back each year to face these things. Maybe it is because gardening serves as a reminder that there is a balance in this life that is borne of a larger kind of wisdom, and we somehow recognize that we want or need to be part of it. Perhaps there is even something in us that is driven to it.

Whatever the reason, this is part of what makes us gardeners. Despite the odds, when each new spring arrives, we pick up our shovels.

September 24, 2011

Michaelmas

Good morning,

The autumnal equinox has arrived and we are now officially into the fall season. Here, in New England, there are so many attributes to the season. The nights are crisp for sleeping, the days still warm enough to feed the garden, and there are no bugs to drive you indoors in the evening. It is my favorite time of the year to sit out on the patio and enjoy the garden, the birdsong, and the cloud formations. Later in the evening, the stars seem to be making a new, and even more spectacular showing. This is the time when the heavens begin to shift as we move toward winter.

Michael the Archangel by Guido Reni, Santa Maria della Concezione, Rome, 1636
On the twenty-ninth of September, the ancient European festival of Michaelmas is celebrated. It is one of my favorite festivals. As the days shorten and we experience increased darkness, it was believed that the forces of evil were more present. The Archangel Michael was thought to have fought courageously against these forces. There aren’t many festivals that speak strongly to the theme of courage. Here in New England, as we move toward winter, we need courage.

There are challenges ahead. We are all busy tucking in our houses and gardens, with the hope that they will come through the winter safely. Storm windows and doors are secured, extra insulation is added, the woodpile is stacked, and the oil tank is filled. In the garden there is much to be done. The roses need attention to prevent winterkill, the withering stalks need to be cut back, and the leaves need clearing.

Sometime in later September or early October, a wonderful neighbor will drive to the beach and fill the back of his truck with seaweed to use as mulch for the roses. Some evening soon, he will pull up in front of the house, bringing his good cheer and a giant load of seaweed. The smell of the sea will permeate everything. He will take out his pitchfork and load the seaweed onto the mulch pile. At eighty something, he is a miracle. After I pile the seaweed around the roots of the roses, the seaside aroma will waft up for days. There is a hedge of pink roses under the bay window and every time I leave the house, I will smell the beach. It has become one of my favorite autumn rituals.

This morning, I awaken to heavy rain. It is still dark but I can hear it on the roof. It is a comforting sound. The garden is being watered, the well is filling up, and the grime is washing away. I can’t help but think of the coming snow, the shoveling, the treacherous driving, the ice, and the power outages. As I think about the Michaelmas festival, the painting by Guido Reni at Santa Maria della Concezione in Rome comes to mind.

It is a depiction of Archangel Michael slaying or, as some believe, taming the devil. Facing the winter season is a bit like this painting. I think of his courage, as he faced what seemed to be an insurmountable challenge. The challenges we face as we look toward winter are not only of survival, they are largely of the inward kind. The lazy, dreamy days of summer are over and it is time to bring those dreams to the fore. Suddenly, everything begins again.

Courses are offered, the library schedule ramps up, new projects are scheduled at work, and political work comes fast and furious as the election nears. It is a challenge to find the balance between activity and reflective time. Early rising becomes even more important for me because it is the only time for inward work.

The sun has somehow risen beneath the cloud cover and the rain has slowed to a soft misting. It is Sunday morning and there is time for a slow entry into the day. In the way that the squirrels gather their acorns, carry them to their cache, and bury them for winter survival, this morning, there is time to gather the courage of Michaelmas, to help carry us through the winter.

September 21, 2014

Trusting the Creative Process


Good Morning,

The morning light has shown itself but without a glimpse of sun. It is a moody September morning with steel gray skies. The air is raw and cold. The Grandpa Ott’s morning glories have bloomed, yet again, despite the weather. They sit atop the arbor showing their bright purple faces. They were planted at least ten years ago. It began with just one pot purchased at a favorite farm stand. During the growing season I pluck out hundreds of new shoots. It has become a serious weeding task. They grow amongst the climbing roses, adding a bit of humor.

On a cold, late September morning, they offer inspiration for writing and for life. After all these years enduring difficult winters, they return without skipping a beat. They are endlessly cheerful and multiply despite the challenges of New England weather. Some morning soon, I will awaken after the first killing frost, only to find them limp on the vine. They will be cut back to the ground, but not before they drop their seeds into the soil to grace the garden next year.

Aren’t our creative pursuits like this? We sow the seeds, wait, wait some more, and hope for a positive result. We also weed out quite a bit. Not every creative project is meant to come to fruition. It is a challenge to decide when it is time to send a project to the compost pile. Yet, it offers us a different perspective if we think of those abandoned projects as a kind of creative compost that will decompose into something fertile and provide nourishment to our work.

The critical inner voice might lead us to believe otherwise, but it is important to remember the inherent value in the trial and error method. The creative process doesn’t just arrive. It requires hard work and a great deal of courage. We need to learn to trust in the process. But, most of all, we need to believe in ourselves. In order to move forward, we need to acknowledge our resilience, our gifts, our limits, and our ability to persist.

This morning we begin again.




September 20, 2014